Pitch like a rapper

If I got payed for every time I tell a startup that they need to be different if they want to make a dent on the current ocean of bullshit I would totally be rich by now. Some people wear hats, others dress in costumes and others rap. That’s exactly what I experienced last week at IDCEE in Kiev.

I wasn’t on the mood of getting pitched but a good friend introduced me to these three guys that came to me and said:

Hey Alex great talk, do you mind if we sing you our pitch?

I really thought they were joking, but oh boy I was wrong. The CFO takes out two sheets of paper and starts rapping their pitch. To be honest, I’ve seen many startups like HumanCloud, but the rap was so cool, I stayed there with them and chatted with the team for 15 minutes. Despite this, I asked for the lyrics because it was a genius move, true to the trovatore style,  so here it is:

Hey, mister! We’re gonna make you rich!
But first you have to listen to our elevator pitch.
Don’t worry, we’re harmless and we carry no weapons
Just relax and we promise – we’ll be gone in sixty seconds!
We really have a lot to talk to you about
So, here’s the presentation of our service HumanCloud

Let us suppose that you are very fond of knitting
You want to find another fan of knitting and ask her for a meeting
LinkedIn won’t help you, but we can certainly fill the gap
All you have to do is download our mobile app!

Wi’ll find you any person with the same interests anywhere
No matter if they are on Pinterest, Instagram or Foursquare
Register with us and all your troubles will vanish
You can do the search in English, German, French and Spanish

It’s not very easy to accomplish our mission,
Because, of course, we have a lot of competition,
But we really know what to do, yes we do!
We can really do things that neither Skout nor Badoo can do!

We are not lying to you, don’t look angry at us
We can easily get to you via Twitter or Google+
We really mean it, hey, mister, look
We can easily extract your profile out of Facebook…

The opportunity is huge, use your imagination
If you see the whole picture, you’ll see our market validation
If we bite out of this market just a little fraction
You’ll be amazed how dramatically we can increase our traction!

This is your “golden snitch”,
The best your money can buy
And that’s the end of our elevator pitch,
Thanks for being with us and good bye!

Sixty seconds have passed
No more words are allowed
Thanks for being with us
And welcome to our site HumanCloud!

UPDATE: Check out the real rapped version which is AWESOME!!!!

This is what I keep talking about. I would have never written anything about them if they hadn’t pitched me in such an usual way. Essentially they’re aggregating events into a mobile app so you know what’s going on around you. Yeah, I know, we’ve heard this many times before, but hey, who knows, maybe they find a creative way to make it work.

I suggested they should move into typical things people do on a daily basis, like partying, going out for dinner. Do you know what they suggested? Taking a shit! Well yeah, that we do every day, or at least the healthy ones do. Not sure that niche has potential, but I guess they got the idea 😛

Good luck guys!

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